ChangeForge: The Cruelty of, “I Wish …”
Strong One
· 11 months ago
During my life, I have tried my best to be genuine to myself and others around me. I believe we all have succumbed to the pressures you talk about. I some how learned at an early age choosing those pressures over what was truly right (or pious) never won. I consider myself lucky. I for some crazy reason always did my own thing? LOL Maybe that's my problem? Great post my friend.
ChangeForge | Ken Stewart
· 11 months ago
Thanks, Strong. This was a pivotal point in my life, and when I entered that other world, I ended up stepping into fire. Luckily for me I found my way back and now I try and blaze my own trail.
I'm glad you found you own way at an early age! That is really a testament to your integrity.
GregWalters
· 11 months ago
wow...dude...deep...
And so very very true - we all grow up being told how to "fit in" - perhaps not specifically, but like most influential things, implicitly - I especially like how you point out giving up some of yourself to please others.
Such a noble thing...so we are told...so we are told by so many "followers" and there "dear leaders"(bosses, wives, ministers, politicians, presidents...)
Just tow the line, don't make waves, be one of us, be one of "them"and you can be "cool".
Today, there are no rights of passage. There is no challenge to overcome in order to be a man or to become your own person in this world
And all the reasons to stand out have been twisted into an adulteration or some sort of laughable caricature - "what do you mean, you LOVE your wife?...or respect the law, or think others in the world want to kill us?...what are you? weird?..."
There are NO Cowboys (brokeback mountain does not count...)
ahem...not sure if that was the message your were looking to convey - but I am weird like that...
ChangeForge | Ken Stewart
· 11 months ago
Hah, LOL, Greg!
I think each person must find their right of passage, but many get lost along their way through.
Mona N.
· 11 months ago
Ken - I've read this piece for the third time but it's only my frist time commenting. Shame on me, I know. This piece warms my heart and I feel truly blessed to get to know you and contribute on LG.com with you. :) You are a good person and I hope we can keep growing, together, and as a team - wow, that makes it sound really serious LOL
ChangeForge | Ken Stewart
· 11 months ago
I'm glad I can thaw that icy exterior, Mona :-) ROFL.
I have to tell you, the honor is mine. Working with you, Louis, Jesse, Mike, Rob, Eric, and Phil is a wonderful treat.
I'm glad you could gain something out of this. The comments are nice, a nice way of telling me so, but I really am glad to share. That's what makes this little thing we call the interwebz go 'round, right?
See ya around, girl.
ChangeForge | Ken Stewart
· 11 months ago
... and of course as soon as I started naming everyone off, I would miss a name. Daniel as well ;-)
Geez, Louis - you have assembled quite the team ;-)
CMS
· 10 months ago
Disqus is fantastic. As a webmaster, I'm quite pleased with the reduction in approvals that need to be made. I find it quite attractive and it integrates well with my system. Overall, I doubt i'll use anything else!
kallan
· 5 months ago
Kia ora e Ken!
This is an interesting post that I passed without comment the first time I read it. The things you talk of here are to do with a combination of conscience and moral (or ethical) practice in the face of changing circumstances which may also involve a changing relationship. It can relate as much to a marriage as it does to a relationship one has with a pet. On a different plane it may even relate to how one feels about some precious possession. Though some things that influence undoubtedly come from without, my feeling is that the ultimate decisions, whether made consciously or not, have to come from within.
Catchya later
ChangeForge | Ken Stewart
· 5 months ago
Ken, the subtext to this post is highly spiritual and religious - for me personally. I purposely wrote this much more open as I understand and support everyone's opinions regarding the subjects of spirituality and religion.
As a boy, growing up, and now as a man, I often found that I relied upon myself. I thought it helped me survive as a teenager and as a Marine, but as I came closer to my religious roots I found that the only decision I was able to make was whether to believe or not... to profess faith or not. There was no middle ground, and all other things were a gift given to me.
Now I understand that this comment is most certainly religious in nature, and I do not intend to pass judgment or convert anyone. That is not my purpose nor intent in the least. In point of fact, your writing underscores that this post was effective in communicating a broader topic and opening the door to a discussion which was my only true intent.
Thank you for sharing, and in grander picture, I completely agree that THE ultimate decision was given to us to make - within.
Warmest Regards, K
nataliamuska
· 5 months ago
Have you tried to find James? Facebook?
Taking the time to reflect on this topic makes me cringe, but I appreciate the exercise. This has made me think about integrity. When I was about 15 a really cool woman shared her definition of integrity with me. She defined it as “being honest with yourself and acting in accordance.” When we adjust ourselves to fit others’ expectations we aren’t really being honest with ourselves and we end up in compromising and uncomfortable situations. I also think honesty and guilt are inherent, hence our inability to let go of things we did decades ago (you are not alone). This doesn’t prevent us from making mistakes and losing sight of our true selves, but it does allow us to pause and try to come back to who we really are, and take control of who we want to be.
In SC we’re watching an example of this first hand. Our governor has made a colossal mistake and is seeking forgiveness, which has stirred up some great discussions on marriage, power, honesty and integrity. I can’t imagine that anyone who has stepped out on their responsibilities can do so without enormous guilt. Maybe if he hadn’t gotten caught it would be different, but I think we all have something deep in us that allows us to know the difference between the gratification of the moment and the reality of the long term implications of our actions. We don’t always listen.
It’s amazingly simple, but when you do good things, you feel good. When you do bad things you feel terrible. When you make a concerted effort to treat others with empathy and respect you feel better about what you are doing. I imagine that if Sanford had asked himself how his wife and children would feel if they saw him, or just knew he was behaving this way he wouldn’t have been able to “go hiking.” We don’t always take the second to ask ourselves those questions until it’s too late. We are all a work in progress and we are better people for the mistakes we’ve learned from, but we have to be honest with ourselves and take responsibility for our actions.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
ChangeForge | Ken Stewart
· 5 months ago
You know, I have not Natalia. I might just have to do that, but in truth I often wonder if we have grown too far apart to reconcile... Needless to say, that is an idea that for some reason did not come to mind <face palm moment>.
As for your example of Governor Sanford, I completely agree. I just had lunch with a friend several weeks back and this subject came up. He shared with me his opinion that an affair, by definition, disregards the collateral damage it may cause. It is simply living in the moment and purposely not thinking about the future.
As for Sanford specifically, it would be my opinion that the public really questions sincerity of a politician, or the man specifically. It is like asking a convicted robber to work as a cashier. Tough sell as we all judge a person's future behavior on past performance.
Great thoughts, and I would like to thank you for sharing. I thoroughly enjoy your input!
Warmest Regards, K
nataliamuska
· 5 months ago
You might be surprised ;) James might be really happy to hear from you. We all have a great ability to remember the positive things that happened to us in our lives over the negative. We spend more time beating ourselves up for what we have done, but not the other way around. I bet he remembers the fun Garbage Patch moments too
All Comments
I some how learned at an early age choosing those pressures over what was truly right (or pious) never won.
I consider myself lucky. I for some crazy reason always did my own thing? LOL
Maybe that's my problem?
Great post my friend.
I'm glad you found you own way at an early age! That is really a testament to your integrity.
And so very very true - we all grow up being told how to "fit in" - perhaps not specifically, but like most influential things, implicitly - I especially like how you point out giving up some of yourself to please others.
Such a noble thing...so we are told...so we are told by so many "followers" and there "dear leaders"(bosses, wives, ministers, politicians, presidents...)
Just tow the line, don't make waves, be one of us, be one of "them"and you can be "cool".
Today, there are no rights of passage. There is no challenge to overcome in order to be a man or to become your own person in this world
And all the reasons to stand out have been twisted into an adulteration or some sort of laughable caricature - "what do you mean, you LOVE your wife?...or respect the law, or think others in the world want to kill us?...what are you? weird?..."
There are NO Cowboys (brokeback mountain does not count...)
ahem...not sure if that was the message your were looking to convey - but I am weird like that...
I think each person must find their right of passage, but many get lost along their way through.
I have to tell you, the honor is mine. Working with you, Louis, Jesse, Mike, Rob, Eric, and Phil is a wonderful treat.
I'm glad you could gain something out of this. The comments are nice, a nice way of telling me so, but I really am glad to share. That's what makes this little thing we call the interwebz go 'round, right?
See ya around, girl.
Geez, Louis - you have assembled quite the team ;-)
This is an interesting post that I passed without comment the first time I read it. The things you talk of here are to do with a combination of conscience and moral (or ethical) practice in the face of changing circumstances which may also involve a changing relationship. It can relate as much to a marriage as it does to a relationship one has with a pet. On a different plane it may even relate to how one feels about some precious possession. Though some things that influence undoubtedly come from without, my feeling is that the ultimate decisions, whether made consciously or not, have to come from within.
Catchya later
As a boy, growing up, and now as a man, I often found that I relied upon myself. I thought it helped me survive as a teenager and as a Marine, but as I came closer to my religious roots I found that the only decision I was able to make was whether to believe or not... to profess faith or not. There was no middle ground, and all other things were a gift given to me.
Now I understand that this comment is most certainly religious in nature, and I do not intend to pass judgment or convert anyone. That is not my purpose nor intent in the least. In point of fact, your writing underscores that this post was effective in communicating a broader topic and opening the door to a discussion which was my only true intent.
Thank you for sharing, and in grander picture, I completely agree that THE ultimate decision was given to us to make - within.
Warmest Regards,
K
Taking the time to reflect on this topic makes me cringe, but I appreciate the exercise. This has made me think about integrity. When I was about 15 a really cool woman shared her definition of integrity with me. She defined it as “being honest with yourself and acting in accordance.” When we adjust ourselves to fit others’ expectations we aren’t really being honest with ourselves and we end up in compromising and uncomfortable situations. I also think honesty and guilt are inherent, hence our inability to let go of things we did decades ago (you are not alone). This doesn’t prevent us from making mistakes and losing sight of our true selves, but it does allow us to pause and try to come back to who we really are, and take control of who we want to be.
In SC we’re watching an example of this first hand. Our governor has made a colossal mistake and is seeking forgiveness, which has stirred up some great discussions on marriage, power, honesty and integrity. I can’t imagine that anyone who has stepped out on their responsibilities can do so without enormous guilt. Maybe if he hadn’t gotten caught it would be different, but I think we all have something deep in us that allows us to know the difference between the gratification of the moment and the reality of the long term implications of our actions. We don’t always listen.
It’s amazingly simple, but when you do good things, you feel good. When you do bad things you feel terrible. When you make a concerted effort to treat others with empathy and respect you feel better about what you are doing. I imagine that if Sanford had asked himself how his wife and children would feel if they saw him, or just knew he was behaving this way he wouldn’t have been able to “go hiking.” We don’t always take the second to ask ourselves those questions until it’s too late. We are all a work in progress and we are better people for the mistakes we’ve learned from, but we have to be honest with ourselves and take responsibility for our actions.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
As for your example of Governor Sanford, I completely agree. I just had lunch with a friend several weeks back and this subject came up. He shared with me his opinion that an affair, by definition, disregards the collateral damage it may cause. It is simply living in the moment and purposely not thinking about the future.
As for Sanford specifically, it would be my opinion that the public really questions sincerity of a politician, or the man specifically. It is like asking a convicted robber to work as a cashier. Tough sell as we all judge a person's future behavior on past performance.
Great thoughts, and I would like to thank you for sharing. I thoroughly enjoy your input!
Warmest Regards,
K